Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
