well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
