Plan B is the new Plan A
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
