***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
