I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
