She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
