New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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