I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
