Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You were trust falling into bushes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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