i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
