I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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