Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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