Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm passing your future prison.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
