What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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