I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
one might say we're banned from that church
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
