I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
