God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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