What did we do last night that was yellow?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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