but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
