what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
