Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
