Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
