So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it's like iHOP with fire
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
