She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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