Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
