smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
