i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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