My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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