i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
