well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
