Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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