drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
