I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
