I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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