my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
