My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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