it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I want her autograph on my taint
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
