were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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