my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
