You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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