it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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