Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
