Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
