Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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