Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
