First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have already put on my inside pants.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
