Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize