Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
