My nipple is on Facebook.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
