Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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