What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
