when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
