dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
