bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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