everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
