I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
