im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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