Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
