i just google imaged poop.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
