Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i need some magic done to my vagina
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
