im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
