you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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